THE BANK
Theme:
Grace is an unbelievable gift
Props: A desk
Characters: A bank teller; a woman opening an account
TELLER:
Welcome to First National Bank. How may I help you?
WOMAN: Yes, I'd like to open an account
TELLER: What kind of account would you like?
WOMAN: A checking account
TELLER: Okay, here are a couple of forms to fill out, and while you're doing
that, I'll tell you about the services we offer. First of all, all of our
checking accounts pay interest, which means that you make money on every dollar
you deposit.
WOMAN: Oh, I won't be needing that
TELLER: Excuse me?
WOMAN: Yes, I won't be needing any interest on my account. The other bank I went
to today tried to get me in on that scam, too. But I told them that there was no
way they were gonna try to put on over on me.
TELLER: But there is no catch. All banks pay interest on money.
WOMAN: Look, if you're going to push in on me, too, I'll take my business
elsewhere.
TELLER: Oh no, that's alright. We don't have to pay you interest.
WOMAN: That's better
TELLER: We also have free checking, so that you won't have to pay any fees for
having a checking account.
WOMAN: Now wait just a second. Nothing in the world is free. So I'll be paying
for my checking account thank you very much.
TELLER: But ma'am, it's free. It's what we offer all of our...
WOMAN: Look, let me make something perfectly clear to you. I don't want any of
your gimmicks. I came here to put my money in a bank and that's it. Nothing
else, okay?
TELLER: Well, okay, but it's part of my job to tell you what we offer.
WOMAN: All right, go ahead
TELLER: All this week we are running a special for first time checking accounts
that gives you $50 free just for opening a checking account.
WOMAN: That's it! I've had it with you!
TELLER: But ma'am it's free. You don't have to do anything. We will give you
$50.
WOMAN: You're ridiculous!
TELLER: Look! I'll give it you in cash. Here you go!
WOMAN: You know, it's people like you that cause all of the trouble in the
world. Always trying to get one over on other people.
TELLER: I'm sorry. I didn't know that would upset you. But I have to tell you
one more thing before you open your account.
WOMAN: Alright, very well. What is it?
TELLER: It's about our pyramid investing program. It helps you invest your
money.
WOMAN: and...?
TELLER: It's a great way to make money. No catches. No strings.
WOMAN: and...?
TELLER: Well, there is a small matter of...signing over all of your legal
rights, submitting to random drug tests monthly, giving us power of attorney
over yourself and any and all immediate family members, and of course there is
the usual boarding of bank tellers in your home, voting only for candidates we
chose, rationing hours spent watching television or listen to the radio, no
rebroadcasting of anything with out our express written consent, and tattooing
the name and logo of our bank on your cat or dog.
WOMAN: Hmmm...well....okay, but I get to keep my pet rock.
TELLER: Sign right here. Alright, ma'am. You have a lovely day.
WOMAN: You, too (MUMBLES TO SELF) and he thought he was going to get one over on
me. Ha!
By
Lloyd Evans
© 2001 Lloyd Evans