Props: none
Roles: Two people, male or female, sitting in a church service
1:
That was a pretty good song. I liked it. But I bet the rest of the service will
be boring. Especially the sermon. Blah blah blah blah.
2:
Jim, people are staring. Keep your voice down. You could at least have the
courtesy to write me notes instead of talking.
1:
What’s the difference? All of these people know what I’m talking about.
Every Sunday, or at least every Sunday that I come, it’s the same old thing.
Stand up. Sing. Sit down. Sing. Listen to a 30 minute diatribe on why I’m so
terrible.
2:
If you feel that way, then maybe you are that terrible.
1:
Hey, I don’t need any spiritual guidance from you. Remember, we grew up
together. I know everything you’ve done.
2:
So what?
1:
So what? You don’t think that God was just a little displeased when you spray
painted that dog?
2:
It was a little dog
1:
You don’t think that people here would be appalled to find out that you used
to steal movies from the video store. And don’t you think that they would be
more appalled to find out that you stole movies with titles like, “The
Creature that Ate Toledo” and “Invaders from Pluto part 4”. I mean, you
should have at least stolen something with taste.
2:
Now, that was a long time ago.
1:
So that makes it ok? What about now? When your toilet backed up, you emptied
your mop bucket in your neighbor’s yard. You tell the girl scouts that
you’re on a fixed income so that they will give you free cookies, and you
claim five children on your taxes.
2:
What’s wrong with that?
1:
You only have two!
2:
Oh yeah, right.
1:
And you come here to church as though you are good enough to be here. If people
only knew.
2:
Ok, so I’m terrible. That still doesn’t make it ok for you to be so negative
about being here. If you hate it so much, why are you here?
1:
I feel like…I have to be. Like it’s part of my civic duty. Kind of like
taking the trash out. You don’t like it, but it has to be done.
2:
You’re comparing church to taking the trash out? Everyone move away so that
when the lightning hits it won’t fry you, too.
1:
I’m not saying that it’s bad, or that the music isn’t good, or that the
preaching isn’t…ok, I guess, but…
2:
You don’t listen.
1:
It’s too much effort to listen. The only sermon I remember hearing is the one
about how the Bible says that chesseburgers are not fattening.
2:
Now, I’m here every Sunday, and I’ve never heard that sermon.
1:
Well, when I don’t like the sermon topic, I usually make up my own.
2:
But this is your eternal life. Not everything is meant to be mere entertainment.
We’re here to worship, which means we’re here to do something, not have
something be done to us. That’s why we stand, sit, take communion, and give an
offering to God. We are supposed to be active participants.
1:
Well, I could try your method. But I have an aversion to change.
2:
Trust me. You might get something out of it. That’s why were here, anyway. We
don’t come in the doors perfect, and we don’t leave that way, either. But we
come here to get closer to God. You won’t get closer if you don’t actually
move toward Him
1:
I’ll do it. I’ll pay attention, I won’t daydream, I’ll sing the songs,
and all that, if…
2:
If?
1:
If you buy that poor dog you spray painted a toupee. All of his hair fell out.
2:
It’s a deal.
By
Lloyd Evans
© 2002 Lloyd Evans