Below is a printer friendly version of this skit. Use the "BACK" button on your browser to return to the Sweet Valley Church of Christ skits page

NEWSLINE

Theme: Christians should be prepared to defend their faith; God has given us evidence of the truth of Scripture
Roles: Announcer; Stone Rockman, a news anchor and discussion moderator; Cliff Roberts, a scientist who is an atheist; Janet Meade, a Christian; Muriel, a pop psychic; An audience member
Props: Microphone

ANNOUCNER: And now, from the televison city studios in (FILL IN YOUR HOMETOWN), it's NewsLine with your host, Stone Rockman.
STONE: Hello and good evening. I'm Stone Rockman. With the holiday season just behind us, the thoughts of many people turn to paying credit card bills and spiritual matters. It is the latter of these two that we will be talking about today. With a surge in the number o sightings involving various aspects of religion, like gourds with the face of Saint Peter, many people are finding a renewed interest in the question of who and what God really is. Joining us this morning are Dr. Cliff Roberts from the Ohio Institute of Scientific Stuff, Janet Meade, secretary to the assistant director's wife's cousin of Biblical Plant studies at State Christian University, and Muriel, a well-known psychic who has just recently opened a series of psychic drive-thrus. Hello to all of you.
JANET: Hello, Kent
CLIFF: Good afternoon
MURIEL: Ooooooommmmmmm....Oh, hello
STONE: Ok, let's cut to the chase of what we are talking about tonight. Cliff, why did you choose that particular hairstyle?
CLIFF: Uh...um..what?
STONE: Sorry, I was thinking out loud. Janet?
JANET: Yes, Kent
STONE: You profess to have a faith in God, do you not?
JANET: Indeed I do, Kent. I am unanimous in my belief in God
STONE: I see. Cliff?
CLIFF: RIght here, Kent
STONE: It is well documented that you are no friend of faith. You openly espouse your atheism. What basic arguments do you use against christians to rip them to shreds?
CLIFF: Well, I wouldn't put it quite that way, Stone, but...
STONE: Well, I would, Mr. I-like-science-and-I-want-to-marry-it. Would you please just answer my question?
CLIFF: Yes. There is no concrete scientific evidence for any of the supernatural activity recorded in the Bible. For example, the miracles of Jesus. I have personally never witnessed a healing occur, nor is there any evidence that miraculous healings do occur.
STONE: Muriel, what do you think about Cliff's murderous and scandalous attack on the spirit world?
MURIEL: First of all, thank you for having me here. It's so nice to see Cliff again.
CLIFF: I've never met you before in my life.
MURIEL: You're right, not in this life. But we've been married twice before in other lives. Cliff, do you still collect china dolls?
CLIFF: How did you...I mean, that's absolutely absurd. There is no spirit realm, reincarnation, or miracles
STONE: Janet? 
JANET: (playing with hair) Yes, Kent?
STONE: Well, what do you have to say to that
JANET: To what?
STONE: To what Cliff just stated!
JANET: Well, you just have to belief.
STONE: Believe what?
JANET: Oh, I don't know. Ask my minister.
STONE: But I'm asking you
JANET :What do I look like? I theolog...A theolig...A person who knows things?
MURIEL: Maybe not now, but you will be. The spirit of Gerald Ford told me.
STONE: But Gerald Ford is alive. And I can hardly believe in reincarnation, let alone Janet being intelligent in her next life. Now that IS a leap of faith.
JANET: Hey, I can be anything I want to be.
CLIFF: And the Bible does not teach reincarnation. In fact, its teaching is the exact opposite of that.
JANET: Well, of course you'd say that since you've probably actually read the Bible. But I'm too busy being faithful to God for that.
STONE: Ok, ok, Cliff. Let's cut to the chase here. Why do you hate Christians?
CLIFF: Oh, no, nothing could be farther from the truth. I just don't feel that they can explain what they believe very well.
JANET": Now that is just ridiculous. How can you say such a thing?
STONE: Yeah, Cliff, how can you say such a thing?
CLIFF: By using the neurons in my brain to transmit a message to the muscles in my mouth and voice box in my throat, but that's not important right now. I say it because of things like the Bible. I mean, do you really think that there is any historical evidence that supports what the Bible says?
STONE: Janet? Janet? JANET?
JANET: I was never good in history. Let's talk about God!
STONE: How do you relate with a power higher than yourself?
MURIEL: Well, I often channel Elvis, Barbie, and the Holy Spirit for guidance.
STONE: And what kind of messages do you get?
MURIEL: Usually all I hear is that Ken ain't nothin' but a hound dog. But at least I hear something.
STONE: Let's take a question from the audience
AUDIENCE PERSON: Yes. Isn't it true that there is actually a lot of historical evidence for what people said about God in the Bible, including supporting information from historians who were not Christians?
CLIFF: Well, I've heard of some of what you are talking about, but...
AUDIENCE PERSON: And isn't is also true that Jesus told us to follow his teachings, which would mean that we should study them all the time and know them well?
JANET: Teachings? Oh I'm in way over my head.
AUDIENCE PERSON: And isn't it also true that God provided his Holy Spirit for us as our only spiritual guide?
MURIEL: Um...technically and Biblically, yes, but...
STONE: Well thank you sir for discrediting my entire panel. That's about all the time we have today. Are there any final words?
JANET: Oh yes. I really hope that Cliff will some day believe in Jesus. And, give a hoot, don't pollute!
STONE: A staggering and engaging dialogue between three giants in their respective fields. Join us tomorrow for a raging controversy: Castup versus Ketchup, which one is the real condiment? For all of us at NewsLine, good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

 

By Lloyd Evans
© 2001 Lloyd Evans